If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
