His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
