My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
