grandma shit on top of the toilet
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
