hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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