Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
