He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
