so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
