I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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