Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
