I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
