So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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