Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
