It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize