Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize