Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
