My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize