how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
