I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize