I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
