do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize