No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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