So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
