I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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