Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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