We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
