You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize