I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
