Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
