I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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