Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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