I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
