How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think my nap took me to another dimension
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize