are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
