i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
