she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I AM VODKA MAN
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
