even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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