I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
