Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
