I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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