you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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