Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
