The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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