wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
