Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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