i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
