totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize