Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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