oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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