Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
