I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
the raccoons are back...
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