Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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