I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
