I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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