Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
