I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
