yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
