So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So much rum. So many feels.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
