No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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