420 ftw
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
