New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
