I accidentally burped into my bong.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
