dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
