i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
