Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
