On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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