I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
