I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
