these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
