U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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